


Advice given

by Aegir



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Additional Characters to be added, Character studies, Discussion of suicidal tendencies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 12:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2772620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aegir/pseuds/Aegir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short vignette series, set after the Winter Soldier movie.  1.  Sam gets advice from Natasha  2. Clint has a word with Steve</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sam

**Author's Note:**

> Includes discussion of suicidal tendencies

Sam Wilson’s life had got so weird lately he barely blinked when he got back with the groceries and found a spy in his kitchen. Again.

“Do I want to know how you got in?”

“Probably not.”

“Steve won’t be back until tonight.” Steve had gone to talk to the FBI about the debriefing of Senator Stern, a HYDRA sleeper who was spilling everything he knew. Of course Steve had no official standing, but he wasn’t above playing Captain America’s reputation for all he was worth.

“I know where Steve is,” Natasha said. “I picked a time when he’d be out.”

OK, this was not a friendly social call. “Would you like coffee?” Sam asked.

A few minutes later they were sharing strong coffee and a plate of the cookies Sam had just bought several packets of, because Captain America turned out to need three times the amount of food of a normal person. As he had expected it didn’t take Natasha long to get to the point.

“Steve’s not going to be willing to stick around here much longer.”

“I know,” Sam said. Really the only thing that had kept Cap from tearing off after the Winter Soldier already was that he had no idea where to start looking. Sooner rather than later he was going to start tearing every piece of HYDRA he could find apart in the search for clues.

“Still planning on going with him?”

“Someone should,” Sam said. He had tried analyzing his own motives, and decided they were a probable mixture of boredom with civilian life, a genuine wish to do the right thing, and his inner ten year old being thrilled by the chance to team up with a super hero.  That was the trouble with being a trained counselor, you second-guessed yourself all the time.

Natasha sipped her coffee. “I didn’t have time to be selective when I dumped the SHIELD files on the net.   One of the things made public was Steve’s last psych evaluation. It’s been pulled now, but a colleague saved a copy.”

“And?” Sam prompted.

“Anyone else would have been pulled from the field. I guess Fury didn’t want to ground Captain America. Or maybe someone in HYDRA made sure the report never got to him.

“Not pretty, then.” Sam couldn’t claim to be surprised. He’d seen it from the start. Captain America might be a legend, he was also another soldier who’d left too much of himself on the battlefield.

“Some degree of PTSD and survivor’s guilt is normal among experienced agents,” Natasha said. “But Steve was also diagnosed with depression and with a number of clinical terms which basically mean he hasn’t dealt properly either with waking up to find seventy years have passed, or with the massive alterations in his body caused by the serum, or with a heap of issues he had before the serum. All topped off with borderline suicidal tendencies. Not eat your own gun type suicide, but find an excuse to step in front of a bullet someone else has fired type. Or in Steve’s case, tell Maria Hill to fire on a helicarrier without giving yourself time to get off it type.”

She didn’t pull her punches. “You think I’m enabling,” Sam said slowly. “That I’m abetting his self-destructive tendencies by going with him on this.”

“I didn’t say that.” Natasha rubbed two fingers across her forehead. “Short of locking him up, I don’t think there’s anything either of us can do to stop Steve. You taking your wings home certainly wouldn’t do it. Whatever consequences he faces won’t make any difference, because he understands where this may end. He just doesn’t care.”

Sam thought about that. “You want me to keep him alive,” he said. “I can’t promise to do that, but I can promise to do my utmost.”

He was not expecting Natasha’s look of pure frustration. “ **NO** , Sam, that’s not why I’m here. Quite the opposite. Steve’s an adult, you are not responsible for him, and even if you were, you can’t **make** him stay alive. Look, I really hope he gets through this. But the bottom line is the only person who can keep Steve alive is Steve.”

“You’re going to have to spell it out for me,” Sam said. “Why are you here?”

“Because I don’t think **you** have a deathwish,” Natasha said. “I’m not going to try to stop you going with him. My point is, Sam,” she tapped her fingers on the table to underline the words. “If this turns into a suicide mission. Don’t let him take you down with him.”

There wasn’t much Sam could say to that. They chatted politely about films they’d both seen until the coffee was finished and Natasha got up to leave.

“Take care of yourself,” she said, and kissed him on the cheek. Sam gave her what he hoped was a reassuring grin.

“Yes, ma’am!”


	2. Steve

It was Clint who made sense to Steve in the end.

Almost everyone had tried a lecture. Sam had said, “He won’t be the guy you remember,” and “You shouldn’t neglect your own survival.” Steve had nodded politely because Sam was a good man, and not many people would have just dropped everything to take on something like HYDRA.

Natasha had been blunter. “Some things there’s no coming back from. If that’s the case here, you need to be prepared to make the tough call.”

“Could you?” Steve had asked. He knew she didn’t have to imagine, she must have been asked herself that question when Clint was under Loki’s control.

“Yes,” Natasha said. Steve didn’t say anything.

With Tony Stark the exchange had turned into a blazing row and Steve had had to forcibly restrain himself from pushing the billionaire through the window of his own tower. Of course JARVIS would make sure Stark never hit the ground, but the shattering glass would have been satisfying. Stark took the word tactless to a whole new level, but ‘brain bleached killing machine’ was bad even by his standards. Stark had apologised afterwards, but only for the wording, not the sentiments. Pepper had apologised for Tony, later, and added her own reasonably worded warning about ‘don’t let your judgement get too clouded’.

Maria Hill had taken a different line. She had reminded Steve he had responsibilities. “Captain America is needed now more than ever.” Steve couldn’t say anything in denial without sounding like he was ungrateful for the gift of Erskine’s serum. He wasn’t, but he’d been Steve Rogers before he’d been Captain America, and Steve Rogers had older debts to pay. Nick Fury hadn’t said anything, but that was probably only because they hadn’t had much conversation before he left for Europe. Steve wouldn’t have listened to anything Fury might say anyway.

They didn’t get it. Steve knew the Winter Soldier might kill him. Although he was bone sure it had been Bucky who dragged him from the Potomac, that didn’t mean he’d be safe next time they met. It made no difference. Steve would do whatever it took, risk whatever he had, because the alternative was unthinkable.

Thor had in some ways been the worst. He had looked grave after hearing the story, and then talked to Steve about creatures called Revenants, which appeared to be basically an Asgardian Zombie, a body reanimated but without the soul that had once inhabited it, filled only with a lust to hurt and destroy. Thor was an unfortunately good storyteller. Steve had a new crop of nightmares that night.

Bruce had said, quietly, “Dying isn’t an answer, Steve. I know living’s harder sometimes. But because you can die, it doesn’t mean you should.”

Steve wasn’t trying to die. He had tried to when he told Hill to fire on the helicarrier, but he knew now he couldn’t die as long as Bucky needed him. There was a difference between risking his life and trying to die.

Steve’s life was his to risk. Nobody had objected to his risking it to take down HYDRA or Loki. He had no patience with everyone acting as though this was different because he was risking it to save just one person, one person who had saved him so many times across the years.

Clint had another take.

“You really think he can come back?” he said to Steve.

“I know he can.”

“Then you owe it to him to stay in one piece,” Clint said. That got Steve’s full attention, cut past the defensive hackles that were rising.

Clint didn’t look at Steve, he looked down at his clenched hands, and every word was spoken like the dropping of a stone.

“Loki used me to kill Phil Coulson. Everyone tells me it wasn’t my fault, but I still did what I did, and Phil is still dead. I didn’t see him die, though. Doesn’t mean I’m less guilty, but if I had to remember killing him with my own hands, I think I’d have eaten a gun by now.

“So if you really think your friend can come back, don’t make him have to remember killing you. If he was as much your friend as you say, I don’t think he could survive that. You hear me, Rogers?”

“I hear you,” Steve said, and it was true. He couldn’t block it out, not when he knew how much it must have cost Clint to expose his soul like that. He couldn’t leave it there either.

“Clint. It really wasn’t your fault. It’s all on Loki.” He wished there was something other than words he could offer.

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to believe that.” Clint’s mouth twisted. “Anyway, watch yourself, Cap.”

“Yeah,” Steve said painfully. “Point taken.”


End file.
